a stroke survivor story

The blood pressure roller coaster has left the station...

2011-12-05T15:43:00.000-08:00

I have always had problems with my blood pressure but recently (for about the last month and a half or so) it seems to be all over the place. My neurologist tries to keep it a little above normal because I only have one vertebral artery leading to my brain (for those of you who have not been following my blog for awhile my stroke was caused by a torn vertebral artery in my chest). Normally it stays 130 - 135 over 80 - 85. Beginning in early November I started have elevated readings; but, they were not consistent. One day it would be really high, then it would be pretty low (for me) and then it would be normal. My neurologist asked me to start taking my BP every day (I had been taking it just Monday and Thursday). I take it at the same time every day (right about 6:15 a.m.) so I know I am not doing anything that might cause a rise. Here is a small sampling: 11/7: 146/98, 11/8: 135/92, 11/9: 124/92, 11/10: 134/90, 11/11: 122/86, 11/12: 145/98, 11/13: 129/89. Then it came down pretty regularly for awhile only to start up again. 11/17: 135/97, 11/18: 149/99, 11/19: 125/78, 11/20: 123/82, 11/21: 126/80, 11/22: 130/76, 11/23: 128/82. I don't know what causes the rise and fall of the BP but my neurologist seems a little concerned. Anybody have any thoughts about it? Maybe this is normal; I don't know. I don't want to be like "the boy who cried wolf", but I also don't want to overlook a potential problem.

Online book

2011-11-15T14:33:00.000-08:00

In response to some who have asked, I have uploaded a .pdf format of "Living the Life of a Miracle" to the Website. There is a little button on the home page that will take you to "scribd" to read the complete .pdf version. Thanks.

I know that some will not understand...

2011-10-09T19:37:00.000-07:00

There are some problems that a stroke survivor faces that some people (even doctors) do not seem to be able to grasp. I have been to physical therapists, neurologists, speech therapists and psychologists and none of them (at least on the surface of what they say) seem to really get the fact that there are real problems that we face on a daily basis (some days are worse than others) that are not physical. Some people reading my blog will understand exactly what I am saying: there is a "spacey" feeling that cannot really be quantified. That is, it is hard to put into words and almost impossible to describe but it is a real problem. Sometimes when I wake up I just have a "far away" feeling that cannot really be explained, but when that feeling is there it is hard to concentrate, it is hard to find the right words to communicate clearly and it is hard to get my thoughts together. Are there physical problems? Sometimes (when that "spacey" feeling is at its worst, my leg also seems weaker and I seem to struggle with my balance more). But, the problem is not always physical but it is just a feeling. If I sound as if I am griping, ok, I probably am; but, I just want to communicate to people that just because a stroke survivor looks great, there might be problems that no one else can see.

A recent article I received about stroke awareness

2011-10-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

I had received this article some time ago and wanted to post it on my blog.

Maximizing Recovery Following a Stroke

--Philip J Reed, on behalf of Valley Hospital Medical Center

When it comes to having a stroke it’s a pretty well known fact that prevention is the absolute best medicine. However, if you have already suffered one, there are many options available to you to help regain function and vastly improve your quality of life.

Because of the many different types of stroke rehabilitation being offered, your chances of finding something that works for you are excellent.

Proper rehabilitation immediately after suffering a stroke is the key to getting the best benefits from your efforts.

Practitioners at your primary stroke center will function as a group to create an effective plan of action to radically increase your chances of a return to your life inasmuch as is possible.

Physical therapy- This is a very important part of recovery after a stroke as victims often lose limb function or body awareness. Physical therapy and repeated exercise can often re-train the brain to access those commands and abilities which can greatly help stroke victims regain lost independence.

Speech therapy- It’s very easy to take the ability to communicate for granted, particularly if you’ve never had it taken from you or had it impaired in any way. Stroke victims very often lose the ability to communicate, whether it’s the inability to formulate words or to connect the proper word with whichever ones were intended to be spoken. This can be an unbelievably frustrating issue which can lead to other problems, including depression, frustration and anger. Intensive speech therapy can help patients to partially or even fully regain the ability to communicate which can help facilitate further progress.

Occupational Therapy- This therapy is multi faceted and helps in regaining the details of daily life including decision making, practical life skills and an understanding of your physical world.

The family factor- With all attention on the mental, physical, and medical health and well being of the stroke victim, it’s very easy to forget about the patient’s support system- the family and loved ones. The more knowledge that they have about what a stroke victim is dealing with and going through, the better they can support them. Being actively involved in rehabilitation with professionals at the patient’s primary stroke center and educating themselves can only serve to increase the manner in which they can actively participate and help their loved one.

Anyone who says that the road back from a stroke is easy is lying. However, with a lot of hard work and a great rehabilitation team, there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is an improved quality of life that is waiting.

New Video for the Book, Living the Life of a Miracle

2011-09-17T19:06:00.001-07:00

This is the video I created to go along with my book. I appreciate all the people who have encouraged me along my path, now nearly 3 years!

Dealing with a cold...

2011-08-05T19:07:00.000-07:00

When I first suffered my stroke over 2 1/2 years ago, the neurologist told me to be careful when I get a cold; it might seem as though I am having a stroke all over again: balance problems, dizziness, disoriented, etc. I can honestly say that for the first 2 1/2 years, I have had a few colds and never felt really bad (I know that I had some problems, but they were pretty mild.) But, this cold is really kicking my butt. In the mornings, it takes me a while to get my orientation right, I have some trouble with my balance, I get tired REALLY easily (yesterday, I did not get up until 7:15 - an hour later than normal - then I went down for a nap at 10, and then took another nap at 1 or so before retiring for the night at 9.) What Laura is most afraid of is that I might fall; I cannot afford a fall.

As a side note, I did go on a mission trip last week for 8 days to Louisiana. I did really well and had no troubles until the last day. My legs got really weak and I wound up on the ground. Fortunately, we were on our way home. I think I just let myself get too tired. After I slept for awhile, I was fine. But, I forgot how much I enjoy youth work until I went on this trip; it was terrific and the kids were great.

There are just some things I still cannot get used to...

2011-07-07T09:02:00.001-07:00

The other day when I was exercising (I try to exercise every day to keep my cholesterol down), I had a very interesting experience. I wish I could say that this was a unique experience, but it has happened a few times over the last couple years. In the middle of my exercise routine, my legs started to get weak, my heart started racing, my breath was rapid and I had to lie down to get my strength back. The first time it happened, I was really worried about it and went to the doctor. It has only happened 2 or 3 times in the last 2 1/2 years, so it is not a regular occurrence, but it worries me when it does happen. The first time I went to the doctor, he did not seem to be alarmed because the "stuff" stopped happening after a few minutes. I am not sure if it does happen again if I should go to the ER? Any thoughts?

Okay...I am going to vent a little...

2011-06-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

Before I begin, let me say that compared to the alternative, I would choose this life; however, I must be honest enough to say how much I hate my "new" existence. 8 out of 10 days, it seems that I have no noticeable problems. But, the 1 or 2 days when I do have problems: look out! The last couple days, for example, I have been ready for bed by 5:30. My wife does not get home from work until 5...so we have had exactly :30 of good time. After that I am not worth anything: I am tired, I am spacey, I am weak; to make it short, I feel sorry for Laura. I know that she just wants to spend time as a family, but I get tired so easily anymore. I know that I can do some things to prevent this feeling: I can just rest more during the day. Well, that is easier said than done. This morning, for example, I woke up at 4:00 and then could not get back to sleep. So, I just stayed up. When it came time to sleep, I just could not force myself to sleep. I wound up not getting to sleep until 4:oo p.m...and now here it is, 7:30, and I am ready for bed again! Please understand, I am extremely thankful for life and I really believe that I am better than I deserve; but, sometimes you just need to vent. Thanks for letting me vent a little!

An interview about my stroke with the Local Radio station

2011-06-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

I was able to provide the local radio station with an interview about my stroke, and the book, "Living the Life of a miracle." Thanks to Dr. Bob Leonard for allowing me the opportunity to speak and to tell about my events.

IN DEPTH: Do You Believe in Miracles? Pastor Jim Mead

An interesting development...

2011-06-17T13:03:00.000-07:00

I told my wife that I am not sure if this is something I should be worried about or not; I have periodic numbness in my left heel. It does not last for more than a few seconds, but it was occurring about every 2 weeks or so, but now it appears to happen more frequently (perhaps 2 or 3 times each day). The numbness does not last a long time, and it does not extend outside of the heel on my left foot, so I am not sure if it is progressive weakening of the nerves, or if it is totally unrelated to my stroke. Because of my history, the nurse at the VA told me to go to the ER to have it checked out if it really starts to bother me. Right now, it is just a nuisance, really, and it does not bother me much. I guess I will just have to see what happens.

Paypal button...

2011-06-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

If you are interested in buying a copy of "Living the Life of a Miracle", there is now a paypal checkout button on my blog, astrokestory.blogspot.com. Copies may also be ordered at your local bookstore, through amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com. Thanks.

My book is available...

2011-06-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

I am excited to announce that my books are now available at amazon.com. You cna find them at: http://www.amazon.com/Living-Life-Miracle-James-Mead/dp/0983196117/ref=pd_rhf_p_img_1 I am very excited about it; I am finally done with this chapter of my life and now I am wondering about some other things. For the time being, I think I will just be content with this! Praise the Lord, it is DONE!

I've got the proof copy of my book...

2011-05-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

I must say that it looks great. I will have some people look over it to make sure that there are no corrections that need to be made, but, assuming that everything is okay, it should only take a few weeks to get the final product. This is a very exciting time for me. Again, if you are interested in buying a copy, please let me know.

An interesting conversation with my publisher...

2011-05-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

As I near the end of the process for publishing my book, "Living the Life of a Miracle", Hannah Crawford, my editor, asked a very good question: Do I just want to do word of mouth advertising or do I want to hire a publicist that will arrange book signings, speaking engagements, etc. for me. If I hire a publicist, does that not carry with the connotation that I am willing to do more than just "dabble around" with speaking engagements and book signings? I guess what I am asking, then, is for those of you what have followed my blog for a long time to give me some input: should I hire a publicist or be content with word of mouth advertising? I am truly interested to know your thoughts.

Some interesting pictures...

2011-03-28T18:49:00.001-07:00

I have found some interesting pictures...I have a copy of the scans from after my surgery. The first picture will be of a healthy cerebellum; the second will be a picture of my cerebellum. The areas that are white show areas that have been removed. The third picture will be of a healthy brain stem; the fourth will be my brain stem. The larger and smaller white spots are areas that show the stroke in the stem. As I have said before, the neuro-surgeon told my family that, normally, when the brain swells to the point that the brain stem is compressed resulting in ONE brain stem stroke, you normally do not recover; however, when there are TWO strokes, and the bigger one is quite large, there was no hope given for any significant recovery.

I finally finished my book...

2011-03-12T18:12:00.001-08:00

I signed the contract for my new book, "Living the Life of a Miracle"; it should be done by early to mid June. I am quite excited to get things done. It will be available in bookstores or directly from me for $15 ($12 for the book and $3 for shipping and handling). Please note your name, address and number of copies. Please make the checks payable to New Covenant Church and mail the payments to "Living the Life of a Miracle - 1510 West Madison - Knoxville, IA 50138". Always remember - Life is a gift!

2 years after my stroke.wmv

2011-03-02T19:06:00.000-08:00

A couple of interesting notes...

2011-02-12T17:49:00.001-08:00

These are some of the notes from the Disability exam: 12/12/08 MRI of the brain and skull reported craniectomy changes of the posterior fossa; extensive areas of infarction of the cerebellar hemispheres in the PICA distribution as well as the pons and middle cerebellar penduncles. 4/23/09 VA neurology note: noted to have mild nystagmus on lateral gaze and mild 6th cranial nerve palsy with slight left facial droop. 1/6/11 DIAGNOSES: Stroke, affecting the bilateral cerebellum and pons, due to dissected vertebral artery, with the residuals of: fatiguing, mild dysphagia, mild aphasia, left hemiparesis with mild weakness and fatiguing and lack of endurance of left extremities, episodic tremors, episodic dizziness, headache from occipital muscle tension headaches, intermittent tinnitus. Although there is no evidence of damage to cranial nerve VI nor VII per se; the veteran has had damage to the pons, the area where the cranial nerves originate, the dizziness and tinnitus are consistent with inappropriate processing of signal coming from the labyrinth and cochlea along CN VIII to the areas of the brain damaged in the strokes.

Some more interesting stuff...

2011-02-11T05:42:00.000-08:00

I came across the "official" diagnosis from my stroke: Essential dissection of vertebral artery resulting in bilateral cerebellar infarctions involving the pica distribution, hydrocephalus and posterior fossa swelling, extensive PICE infarcts of the bilateral cerebellar hemispheres. Decision made to proceed with craniectomy due to swelling that was causing compression of the brain stem. operation report indicates a burr hole . The suboccipital region was exposed, a series of burr holes were placed in this region and then working side to side decrompression was accomplished with removing successive segments of bone, once the necrotic tissue was removed the cavity was ultimately closed with the use of dural patches allowing the dura to balloon slightly outward in order to accommodate any future swelling in the area of the posterior crainial fossa bilaterally.

There are other interesting tidbits that will be posted later, but this might give a little insight into the severity of my stroke.

Sometimes I am still amazed...

2011-02-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

I know that I should not be, given the many doctors that I have seen and the specialists that have looked through my file, but I am still amazed at the ability of God and the great things He has done in my life. I just spoke with a woman whose father had a brainstem stroke; they have told her that there is no hope for his recovery, that there is no hope for any meaningful life. That seems vaguely familiar; they told my family the same thing, they gave absolutely no hope for any recovery at all. But, here I am 2 years later and, though I still have some deficiencies, I am generally very good. I just stand amazed. Please, if you are reading this, pray for a man in Columbus, OH, whose family just heard the bad news that nothing can be done. Please pray that this man will surprise all the doctors, as I have, and recover. Above all, pray for his family that will have to make some difficult decisions in the next few days. As thankful as I am for my recovery, I cannot help but feel sorrow for those who have not experienced such a dramatic recovery. The most important thing for them to remember is that God is still good, regardless of what happens to their father. Just because I had a dramatic turn of events for my good, it does not mean that God loves this man less, even if he does not experience such a dramatic recovery. God is always good, regardless of our circumstances.

You would think by now I would have learned...

2011-02-08T19:32:00.001-08:00

It takes me quite awhile to recuperate from activities; I have been going non-stop for a few weeks and I was surprised to find that I was getting unusually tired easily. I told my wife that I slept better last night than I had in several weeks, but I was really tired by 2 this afternoon. It was really strange, until I really gave serious thought to the last couple weeks. When I take a serious look at the recent past, it is no wonder that I am tired; I just should not be surprised by it. It is just taking me some time to remember my limitations. Sometime I am confident that I will think about the effects BEFORE I undertake activities, rather than looking back and THEN saying, "Oops, maybe I did too much." Oh the learning that never seems to end; coming to grips with my new restrictions.

I have decided to put my sermons on here...

2011-02-07T17:41:00.000-08:00

I have said before that I pastor a church in Knoxville, Iowa, so I decided to start uploading my sermons on this site. As some of you will see, there are times when I hesitate when I am speaking (although I try to cover it up pretty well). The reason, sometimes, that I hesitate is that I am seeking the correct words for the situation. I have given serious thought to creating a series of "bingo" cards for my church; there are certain phrases I use quite often now, such as "what is the best to say this..." or "probably the best way to say it is...". The truth is that these are just ways for me to remember what I was going to say. So, I hope that you enjoy the sermons.

I will be posting some interesting stuff soon...

2011-01-26T14:54:00.000-08:00

I requested a copy of the scans from before and after my surgery so I could post them here. I have had several requests to see the actual scans. So, I submitted that request and was quite happy to receive them. There was only one problem...there were no scans, just the radiologists report of my scans. So, until I receive the actual pictures, I will be posting some of the radiologist reports. Some of them are quite revealing of pons infarctions, cerebellar infarctions, brain stem infarctions and swelling of the dura. So, look for those in the next few days as I post them (one at a time, since there are quite a few and they are quite extensive.)

Some other interesting stuff...

2011-01-12T09:05:00.001-08:00

I recently ran across this stuff: the first is from Dr. Piper who performed my craniotomy and my stroke surgeries; the second is the impression of the radiologist from my CT scan pre-surgery, and the second is from the first post-surgery CT. Interesting stuff:

ADMISSION DATE: 12/10/2008

CHIEF COMPLAINT: Bilateral cerebellar infarction

HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS: The patient was sent over emergently from the VA by the neurologist. He apparently a couple weeks ago had a cold and was treating himself with cold symptom medications. There is also one report that he had undergone chiropractic manipulation but apparently talking with family it was not a chiropractor it was just a massage therapist and there was really no substantial manipulation of his neck. Regardless, two nights ago he said he really did not feel well at all and went to bed. He woke up at 1:00 in the morning and had significant vertigo, headache and nausea and vomiting so they did ultimately take him into the emergency room. A head computerized axial tomography scan at that time was negative. They did do a lumbar puncture to make sure he did not have any signs or symptoms of infection given the history of cold symptoms which apparently by report was negative. He was sent to the VA for further evaluation. Subsequently he has been diagnosed with cerebellar infarctions based on computerized axial tomography scans and magnetic resonance imaging scans that were performed and fortunately these are bilateral and they appear to involve the pica distribution. However the concerning things is apparently the patient yesterday was wide awake and lucid and today progressively over the day has become significantly more lethargic and developed bilateral extraocular motility defects. Because of this, they obtained a scan which shows early hydrocephalus as well as significant posterior fossa swelling.

PHYSICAL EXAMINATION

GENERAL: He is a very lethargic patient that will arouse with stimulation. He will answer a few questions with simple yes and no answers but it sounds like he has significantly gone downhill even over the last several hours.

NEUROLOGIC: He has extraocular motility that is very hard to characterize but I do think it looks like interocular ophthalmoplegia or perhaps polycranial nerve involvement but clearly abnormal. His pupils are small and remain perhaps minimally reactive. He does seem to have diminished gag response. He does move his extremities but it is hard to get a detailed examination but Babinski is present bilaterally on exam. Gait and station were not tested.

CARDIOVASCULAR: Regular rate and rhythm.

LUNGS: Appear to be clear but the breath sound are somewhat diminished

IMPRESSION: This gentleman has the above mentioned problems. I have had a chance to look at the films. I have reviewed them with our radiologist. Initially the films were not available but they did finally show up from the VA. In the interim, since we really did not know exactly what was going on we did get a computerized axial tomography scan so we have been able to compare this. It looks like he has got fairly extensive pica infarcts of the bilateral cerebellar hemispheres. Because of this, I think we will plan doing a midline decompression in light of his deterioration where we will try to do stroke resection bilaterally and patch the dura as best we can to give it room for swelling. The patient also probably would benefit from an external ventricular drain at lest in the short-term given the significant problem that he has. I was fairly frank with the family that obviously surgery is not going to change his overall course with respect to the stroke. He will still have deficits from this even if he does survive. What surgery is is an attempt at saving his life because of the progressive swelling that he has developed and an the anticipation that this is heading downhill fast enough that he will die from the brain stem compression. They do understand that the stroke still may progress and he may be significantly disabled or even die despite doing surgery that surgery does have risks of infection, cerebrospinal fluid leakage that might require pseudomeningocele repair at a later date particularly since we may not be able to get watertight dura closure if there is significant swelling. We also did discuss the risk of intracranial hemorrhage, infection and they wished to proceed with surgical intervention.

John G. Piper, M.D.

CT HEAD WO CONTRAST

INDICATION: History of bilateral cerebellar infarcts

COMPARISON: There is no previous imaging for comparison

TECHNIQUE: 5 mm images of the brain were performed without intravenous contrast administration

FINDINGS: There are areas of decreased attenuation identified in the cerebellar hemispheres bilaterally. This may represent bilateral PICA infarcts. Other etiologies for vasogenic edema cannot be excluded. The previous imagining on this patient is not available for comparison. There is compromise of the fourth ventricle. Mild hydrocephalus is consistent with mass effect.

IMPRESSION: There are areas of decreased attenuation within the cerebellar hemispheres bilaterally. By history, these represent areas of infarctions on the previous MRI examination. That examination is not available for comparison.

CT HEAD WO CONTRAST: CRANIOTOMY FOLLOW-UP

FINDINGS: Head CT without contrast: a ventricular shunt catheter enters the right frontal region. Its tip projects near the midline in the right lateral ventricle. The ventricles are within normal limits in size. There is no evidence of focal cerebral abnormality or hemorrhage. Postoperative changes present in the posterior fossa. Regions of increased density and air bubbles are present centrally within both cerebellar hemispheres. The occipital craniectomy has been performed.

IMPRESSION: Postoperative Change. Apparent bilateral cerebellar resection sites are present. Air bubbles are present at both sites.

I just wanted to post something interesting...

2011-01-10T06:40:00.001-08:00

This is a report from the Traumatic Brain Injury clinic neurologist. I think it is interesting, not because of what the report says, necessarily, but because this is a neurologist I normally do not see and so it is interesting to note what his conclusion would be..."Patient seen today in the TBI clinic...in brief this is a 40 year old man who suffered an idiopathic vertebral dissection in 2008 with bilateral cerebellar infarcts and a brainstem stroke who has had a significant recovery. He continues to have a number of symptoms including limited energy and concerns as to what the future holds...Basically, I spent 60 minutes with him today explaining that the symptoms he has such as the pulsating sensation in the ear, the twitching of his eye, the tremor in his left hand, the balance difficulties, dysphagia, speech problems and fatigue are clearly residuals of the stroke....clearly he is limited as a result of the stroke."

The part that was very reassuring was that, although not in his Dr. notes, he did mention that people with my stroke generally are not able to do what I am doing; that is, my recovery has been extremely remarkable. One more Dr. who has seen my scans, looked at my records and was absolutely astounding at my capabilities.

I really had a good appointment yesterday...

2011-01-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

I had my 2nd of 3 Comp & Pen appointments yesterday; this one was an appointment for my general health. There were 11 areas that he needed to assess...and he actually did ask the questions (Shocker!!!). I was afforded the opportunity to explain a little more fully my daily struggles. I was able to state that the problems I have are intermittent, not continuous. For instance, the headaches I suffer are not constant, but they come and go depending on how tired I am, how stressed I am, etc. But, they are definitely stroke related because they are actual tightening of muscles that were involved in my decompressive craniotomy. I was also able to tell the Dr. that I don't have tremors all the time, but they are relatively spotty in nature; for instance, when I hold a cup of coffee in my left had, it shakes quite a bit, or when I yawn my left arm tremors and when I go to tie my shoe on my left side, my left foot shakes. But, they are not constant. He explained that, much like a seizure, the tremors are caused by a misfire of a nerve or a fault reception of a signal given by a nerve. The bottom line is this: I felt infinitely more at ease after that appointment because he actually seemed to be concerned with my deficits, even if they are sporadic and not given me a blanket "you don't have those deficits all the time, so you must be ok..." I hope this makes sense, but I really do feel more at ease. Now we will just see what the Decision Review Officer thinks; he is the one who will make the actual determination of my disability. Please pray that everything goes well.

I had an interesting first C&P appointment...

2011-01-04T18:48:00.001-08:00

I had my optometrist appointment today; one of the first questions he asked was this: "When they first did the C&P, you mean they did not do an eye exam?" He told me after the exam that I initially had (according to my file) nerve 6 palsy; as of this morning, that nerve is 99.9% healthy. My eyes work together well, there is no evidence of muscle damage and there is no evidence of compromise in the optic nerve. I guess that is bad news for my disability, but it is very good news to know for sure that there is no damage visible (although I do have a follow up with a neurologic ophthalmologist to determine if their are deeper neurologic issues to deal with). But the one interesting tidbit of information was that he told me that they will be evaluating 11 aspects tomorrow. That is a big difference from my first C&P appointment a year ago when they, really, did no evaluation. So, we will see what transpires tomorrow.

Another year....

2011-01-01T10:20:00.000-08:00

It is the beginning of 2011 and I am no less amazed at the provision to be able to do the things that I am able to do. I do feel, however, that my energy is getting more and more diminished all the time. Last night, for instance, I had to wait in the truck as my family went did some of their shopping because I did not feel as though I had the energy to walk aimlessly through the World Store (perhaps it was just because I was bored out of my mind, but I can usually withstand boredom.) I don't know how to explain it, but I feel as though I am gradually getting tired quicker and it takes less effort to cause me to lose my energy. But, as I have said before, compared to the alternative, I feel really good. I have said before, and I will say again, that I feel pretty good for a dead guy.

I am reminded of how...um...stupid people can be

2010-12-23T17:38:00.000-08:00

I got the transcript today from the Disability Review hearing; some of the answers to their questions, as recorded in my records, make me wonder if they were actually reviewing me. Record: "Is there any evidence of brain trauma" Answer: "NO". REALLY? A Double Sided cerebellar infarction with 2 brain stem strokes, a decompressive craniotomy performed and there is NO EVIDENCE OF BRAIN TRAUMA? In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, "What a maroon!" Another question: "Is there any evidence of balance problems?" Answer: "NO" What in the world? Another question: "Is there any evidence of memory problems?" Answer: "NO" I'm sorry, but that person could not have looked at my records to make that determination. Question: "Is there any evidence of headaches?" Answer: "NO" At this point, if it were not such a serious situation it would be absolutely laughable. They are going to rate my disability based upon the recommendation of that report and this is what they suggest? I am sorry...but it is pure insanity!

Am I really that boring?

2010-12-23T04:43:00.000-08:00

I have been working on a book chronicling my journey; as part of that book I have been including many of my blog posts. As I began reading the latter part of my book (the blog posts), I begin to think "boy, I am one boring guy..." But, as I have said before in an earlier blog post, what is average and mundane to most people can be a significant event for a stroke survivor. Going to a Christmas concert is not an event to write home to mom about...unless you have survived a near fatal stroke and should be dead. In that case, going to a Christmas concert is a big deal. But, if you have been a little bored to a stupor over some of my blog posts, it is just because at the time it is such a big deal; but in retrospect, some of them were not "blogworthy" events.

I am working on a book to chronicle my stroke and amazing recovery...

2010-12-21T15:52:00.000-08:00

I have shared with many people my miraculous story, but, hopefully you will be able to read about it as well. I am in the process of putting together a book chronicling my struggles, triumphs and the miraculous recovery. The book, entitled "Living the life of a miracle: experiencing God's grace in the midst of a deep trial", will be in two parts. Part 1 tells a little about my history, my life before the stroke and the reality that something was not right. Part 2 will be my various blog posts since my stroke, giving a "real view" of what I felt and how I responded as I followed this journey. I am trying to make sure I include the Doctor notes and some of my MRI and CT scans in the appendices. My prayer is that it will be a good read and bring glory to God.

I guess I have a partial answer....

2010-12-20T04:43:00.000-08:00

It looks like I have a partial answer about my claim for disability. I had my appointment with the Decision Review Officer on November 3...what I was told is that he can do several things: he can just decide to re-evaluate my compensation and give me a new rating without any future appointments; he can recommend me for more Compensation and Pension appointments to let them to make a new determination, or he can just recommend that my compensation level remains the same and close the case. Well, I did get an initial response: I have 4 additional C&P appointments in January. So, I should find out sometime after January 13....

Okay...today is the day

2010-12-08T16:59:00.001-08:00

Today is the two year anniversary of my stroke. I do have definite trouble from time to time, but I fell overwhelmingly good. I am still struggling a little with my blood pressure, which is a relatively new development, but other than that I feel really good.

oopss...

2010-12-07T08:34:00.001-08:00

What I said earlier, you know, about this being my 2 year anniversary...well...forget it; tomorrow is my 2 year anniversary. Everything else is still relevant, but, I was just a little eager with my posting. So, tomorrow will be my 2-year anniversary and in case I forget to post about it, you will know.

2 years...amazing!

2010-12-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

Well, today is the day...it was 2 years ago today that I suffered what, by all accounts, should have a fatal (or at least debilitating) stroke. Although these 2 years have had their ups and downs, I would have to say that I am truly blessed to be alive. My son in completing his first semester of his freshman year in college, my oldest daughter has her 7th grade band concert tonight and my youngest daughter has her first guitar "recital" on Thursday. These are, really, rather menial events; but, when you are faced with the reality of never witnessing them, they become very large events. I have become quite accustomed to answering people this way: when asked how I am feeling, I answer that I feel pretty good for a dead guy! Struggles are my new reality; I have issues with which I will deal for the rest of my life. But, even with the reality of those struggles, I am truly thankful to be alive!

Sometimes I forget how others are effected...

2010-12-01T08:29:00.000-08:00

Today I ran into my daughter's 4th grade teacher. As we were chatting, she told me that she was grading a recent test and one of the answers made her cry. In Social Studies, they are talking about planning events and how it might not happen exactly as was planned. On the test, the question asked was "Name a time that you planned something that did not happen the way you expected." My daughter wrote that she had been planning a birthday party, but then her daddy had a stroke so it did not happen. I almost fell apart at the school; I have spent so much time focusing on my own difficulties that I did not take the time to think how others are still dealing with the situation. Yes, it was nearly 2 years ago, but that does not erase the difficulties that some have had dealing with the result of that event. So, thanks Mrs. Kamp for reminding me that, even though I sometimes do not hear about those difficulties, it does not mean they do not exist.

After a short visit to the ER, here is what I found...

2010-11-13T05:37:00.000-08:00

I found out something that I had already known; that is, that the jumpiness in my eyes and the uncontrolled blood pressure is in reality a side effect of the initial stroke. Because my stroke affected my brain stem, as I get tired my brain no longer has the ability to compensate for my weakness. Although the Dr. did say that it is theoretically possible that I am having a new round of TIAs, it not really a viable possibility because I do not have any other symptoms: headache, dizziness and nausea. The only "symptom" I have of a TIA is blood pressure that goes relatively quickly from normal (130/85) to very low (115/65) to very high (176/104). (By quickly, I mean in a matter of days, not hours). So, he told me what I already know: the best treatment is to get more rest, relax and give my body time to completely relax when I have "down time".

A new problem has surfaced...

2010-11-10T04:53:00.000-08:00

Although it is not really new, is just a new manifestation of an old problem. Earlier, probably 18 months ago, I was complaining of "jumpiness" in my eyes. Dr. Benjamin told me that it is not a new problem, just a realization of problems that have always been there. That is, the problems with my eyes have probably always been there, but my brain has been able to compensate for them and make the unnoticeable. Recently, though, the problem has resurfaced and it is worse than it was before. Earlier, the jumpiness would last for a few seconds and then go away for 20 minutes or so and then occur again. This would last for a few hours and then go away for a few hours and the cycle would continue. Now, however, it seems that my eye problem is nearly constant. In other words, it appears to me (although I don't actually know what happens) that my left eye crosses and everything goes out of focus for a second, then the field of vision in my left eye "bounces" for a little while, then my vision goes back to normal; but, after just a few minutes, the cycle starts over again. It will seem as though my left eye crosses, my field of vision bounces a little, and then it goes back to normal. It is quite aggravating. I am supposed to go to the Dr. later today to see if they can identify another problem or if it is just something else that I will have to live with.

I had my appointment with the DRO today for my disability...

2010-11-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

All I have to say is that the people who conducted my initial review must have been completely blind, deaf and otherwise incapacitated. My review officer who looked through my files prior to my disability hearing said that the initial disability rating was based on some of the following information...Is there any dizziness...NO...Is the use of walking assistance used (a cane)...NO...Is there any numbness present...NO...Are there any vision problems...NO...is there evidence of any trauma to the brain...NO (Hello, 75% of my cerebellum is gone and there are 2 strokes in my brain stem).

So, I used the hour meeting with the Decision Review Officer to let him know that there are instances of numbness on my left side, weakness on my left side, a cane is necessary from time to time, I struggle with Aphasia from time to time. I felt it was a good meeting, but it necessitated admitting struggles that I usually keep to myself. Most people never know the times that I have troubles walking, talking, swallowing; these are events that I would rather keep to myself. Overall, I thought it was a great day; I will just have to wait for 60 days or so to know the results of the meeting.

Last Session...

2010-11-02T14:11:00.001-07:00

This will be the last session for the Men's Retreat. I had a great time telling about how the Lord sustained me during the tough times of life.

2010-11-02T14:10:00.001-07:00

Third Sermon...

2010-11-02T14:08:00.001-07:00

This is the third message of the weekend...

2010-11-02T14:07:00.001-07:00

Second Sermon

2010-11-02T14:04:00.002-07:00

This is the second sermon for the weekend.

2010-11-02T14:04:00.001-07:00

New Sermon...

2010-11-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

I will try to post a few sermons that I shared at the Men's Conference in Wyoming. This was a great time sharing my experiences since my stroke.

2010-11-02T13:54:00.001-07:00

Typing issues...

2010-10-20T04:39:00.000-07:00

There are certain things that you just get used to as time goes by. Problems become minimal in your own sight but are very evident when someone else notices them. Case in point: the other day I was entering my username and password on some sight; as I typed them, I had to go back to correct faulty letter several time. I would guess that it took me at least 3 attempts to get the words correct. The truth is that it occurs quite frequently, but I just ignore it. (FYI, before my stroke I could type over 40 wpm with no mistakes). Anyway, as I was entering in the information, my daughter was watching and she said, "Sheesh, type much?" In other words, I made enough mistakes that it was noticeable to others. What happened is that it drew my attention to the situation and I bothered me anew. Perhaps it shouldn't, but it does. After my stroke, it was really bad, but it has gotten better, but apparently it is not normal, yet.

Preaching schedule...

2010-10-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

I will try to use my blog to update everyone on my preaching schedule, also. I am using my experiences to share about God's provision during a trial and deep valley. I preach about God's miraculous healing; his constant guidance, even when I could not see His hand; what it feels like to be in a valley after a mountain top experience. So, FYI, I am available to preach at churches, speak at conferences, and conduct motivational seminars when asked. God has used me to speak at First Baptist church in Stratford, IA, Center Cross Community Church in Gering, NE, and On With Life Brain Injury recovery center in Ankeny, IA.

I will be speaking at the Men's retreat for the Northern area of Converge Rocky Mountain at Rim Rock camp, Lingle, WY October 29 - 30, following that I will be at Galilee Baptist Church in Loveland, CO on Sunday morning, October 31. On Sunday morning, November 21 I will be preaching at Denison Baptist Church in Denison, Iowa. Currently I am making plans to preach at Life's Journey Church in Zachary, LA and Celebration Baptist Church in Cincinnati, OH, and there are also plans to have me speak at Union Park Baptist Church.

Yesterday was my TBI appointment...

2010-10-14T07:03:00.000-07:00

It really went very well. I did not know what to expect. A lot of the things I suspected were made clear; for instance, the stumbling is not in my imagination but is a result of the compromised nerves in the brain stem. The "jumpiness" in my eyes is not a perceived problem, but is a real problem based upon real nerve damage. The good news is that many of the problems can be fixed, i.e. the weakness in the arms and legs can be addressed with more physical therapy and specialized exercises. The jumpiness in the eyes and the pulsating sound in the ears are probably permanent problems that need to be accepted. They are not a bother all the time, just periodically. The problem is that they seem to occur at the worst possible times. I am in the last week of my MDiv class and am having problems with my eyes. It is really hard to work on my final paper when my eyes don't always focus right. Concentration is an issue as well. I have a harder time multi-tasking; which poses a problem when my kids are trying to talk to me while I am doing church work. I used to be able to listen to them, do my work and think about the solution simultaneously. I am finding that I have to do one at a time, rather than multiple tasks at once.

Just a little insight into my day...

2010-10-13T05:37:00.000-07:00

I don't normally blog about this kind of stuff, so it just gets overlooked, but I had another issue with my balance today. I was getting ready to take my youngest daughter to school (about 7:30 a.m.) and lost my balance; I found myself on the chaise (luckily not the floor). This is not the first time this has happened. I don't like to blog about this kind of stuff, but I need to keep a record of this (as I have said before) and I don't know of any better place to keep track. So, expect a little more blogging activity. But, regardless of my current circumstances, God is still good. As I have said in previous posts and to various people, I feel pretty good for a dead guy; considering I was not expected to survive the surgery, a few balance issues are very minimal.

Heading to my TBI appointment today

2010-10-13T04:31:00.000-07:00

I have been referred to the TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) appointment today. I have had some problems lately with "jumpiness" in my left eye and have had balance issues (more than usual) lately. Last week (either Tuesday or Wednesday) I stood up and then fell back into my chair. This is not the first time it has happened, but I have just learned how to deal with it. Also, last weekend (October 2) I lost my balance carrying groceries in from the truck. I wound up on the ground for a second. I did not hurt myself at all, but I did lose my balance. I do not have balance problems on a regular basis, but it is foolishness on my part to believe that the balance issues do not exist. The other day, perhaps 3 months ago, I lost my balance in church while I was preaching and had to steady myself on one of the edges of the staircase. Apparently I did a good job of disguising it, because no one seemed to notice; but that does happen from time to time. Again, these are just things that I deal with and most people do not seem to notice.

I am going to have to start blogging again...

2010-10-06T14:40:00.000-07:00

I guess this is not a bad thing; I used to blog, nearly, everything that happened in my life, but lately I have been a little "slack" concerning how I feel. But, I need to have a "record" of everything, and, since this is how I used to do it, it just seems suitable to keep blogging more.

Well, I have felt pretty good for the last 6 months or so since I last blogged. There are some problems, though. I have noticed a trend: whenever I do not get a nap, I get real weakness in my left arm and left leg. The other day I had a REALLY bad day; some of it is because I did not get a nap, and some of it was because I am just prone to have bad days. This past weekend (October 1-3) I had some balance and "spacey" troubles. I seemed to stumble a little more than usual, and actually fell over (although it was into a chair, it was still a fall).

Some of the problems that I deal with on a regular basis: I still struggle with Aphasia (words just do not seem to come to me). I have learned how to "deal with it" by pausing a little between words and using phrases like "what is the best way to say this" (the reality is, I don't know the right words and I am trying to think of it). I also struggle with using the right words. Sometimes I will find myself saying that "this probably is not the right word...I guess a better word would be". I still have some problems swallowing; not that I cannot swallow, but it takes 2 or 3 attempts to swallow completely. I have a pulsating sound in my right ear. Initially I thought it was just my heartbeat, but it is not a regular pulsing; it is an irregular type sound. I often find that my left leg just gives out on me. I have only gone to the ground because of it once, but I do have to rely on something else to gain my balance. My blood pressure is all over the board; it is the worst of situations: if I do not exercise, I can control my blood pressure pretty well but my cholesterol gets out of whack. Since I only have one artery going to my brain I cannot allow my cholesterol to go high; however, when I do exercise a lot to lower my cholesterol, my blood pressure plummets (from 135/85 to 108/68 in just a few days). So, here is the question that I deal with every day: do I keep my BP up and play roulette with my cholesterol, or do I exercise to keep my cholesterol down and play roulette with my BP.

I really do FEEL good, but I just wanted to share what I deal with internally on a day to day basis.

I wanted to share something...

2010-03-17T08:50:00.001-07:00

My nephew wrote this in response to a Bill Maher show. I thought it was very insightful. He is 20 years old, and I did not know how much he knew about my situation (because he lives 800 miles away.)

"I just got done watching a special that Bill Mahr (or however you spell his last name, personally I don't really care) had on HBO. It got me so worked up, because he was basically saying that the bible was just a story, and Jesus Christ was just a man with a smart mouth, that was it. He said that God didn't exist, and that the whole story is just stupid. I'm sayin to myself, "Well, obviously you haven't had the chance to witness what God can really do. I mean, if you just look at some of the everyday miracles that happen, you can witness God's awesome power. But if you have somehow, by some unforeseen chance, not gotten a chance to see just a glimpse of God's power, let me just tell you about a person I know very deeply.

His name is James Mead, and he is my uncle. About a year and a half ago, my uncle Jim went through a very life changing, and life threatening experience. He was put in the hospital because he had had a very strong stroke. I don't mean one of those small ones, like when you loose feeling in your left arm, I mean a stroke that did incredible damage to his brain.

Alright, before I get into specifics, let me tell you this. He was put into the hospital originally because his blood pressure was so erratic that he wasn't able to do pretty much, anything. Now, as time went on, it was either his whole left side, or his whole right side, I can't remember, became completely numb. By this time, he was taken to a neurologist to see if anything could be seen causing problems in his brain. At first, they could see none. So he was sent back to his hospital room. When a CAT scan provided nothing, they sent him to a specialist.

It was at this time that they saw that his brain had swelled up to enormous sizes, and that he had had a double stroke. This stroke damaged both his right side, as well as the left side of his brain. They took him to the OR, and took out a big piece of his skull to let the swelling die down. He was put back into critical care.

They informed our family, that because of the stroke, he would probably never be able to walk, talk, or do anything ever again. He was basically going to be a vegetable. However, that was not the case, that was not the case at all. Two days after the surgery, he was sitting up in his bed, talking to his family. He was eating talking, and he remembered everything. Every detail from his past. Now, I don't mean to speculate, but doesn't that just seen impossible to you? I mean, just a little bit?

Now, not only was he sitting up in his bed, but a week later, he started walking again! It wasn't long before he was walking faster than my grandparents to show them something in the Hospital.

After he was discharged, it took him a while, but he was able to ride a bike again! After that, he started driving again, then, he resumed his job as a pastor in his church! The scientists are still all baffled by this. They have no idea how this is happening. They have told him time and time again, he is supposed to be dead. There is no scientific reason that he should be alive right now, let alone doing all of the things he is doing.

The doctors have tried to look up all practical, and even some non-practical scientific explanations as to how this is happening. They can't find a reason. There is no way that he should be living right now, except by the grace of God!!

Now, knowing all of this, he went back for a check up a couple of months ago, and he found out that 75% of the part of the brain that directs all motor functions for the entire body, is dead. That is right! Only 25% of that part is actually living. Isn't that amazing!! I mean not only should he not be walking, talking, driving, riding a bike, being a pastor at his church, he shouldn't even be ALIVE!!!

Now, you tell me how God doesn't exist. You try to tell me how he is living, how 25% of his brain is working everything. That's just it, you can't.

GOD IS HERE, AND GOD IS WONDERFUL!! Don't try to tell me that this is just a story, because it really happened. Ask him yourself..."

That was a post from Michael Mead. I thought it was very touching.

I am going to post a video I made...

2010-02-28T18:02:00.001-08:00

If you are able, please tell me what you think about this. I am still waiting for someone to explain my recovery apart from God.

I think I have found my new Theme Song...

2010-02-26T16:05:00.000-08:00

I was searching the web and found a song that I had forgotten about...it really brings things into perspective for me. I know that my situation was (and is) bad, but it really could be much worse; I just have to remember that God only expects me to what He allows me to do.

Someone reminded me of something very important today...

2010-02-26T15:56:00.000-08:00

After reading my blog post from yesterday (i.e. me complaining about my wait at the VA), someone made a very simple and yet profound statement to another person about me. The comment was, "Listen to the dead guy complaining about the wait at the VA". I do have to remember that the worst wait is just an inconvenience; it is small in comparison to the alternative - DEAD. Thanks for putting up with me whining about my wait and please don't hesitate to remind me to be thankful for all the blessings that I have...this winter, although it is seemingly endless, is just a nuisance; the car-line at school, even though some people don't know how to drive, are just irritations. In truth, anything above ground is very good. Thank you, God, for every day that I am alive.

I visited the neurosurgeon today...

2010-02-25T16:13:00.000-08:00

I had a really good visit with the neurosurgeon...that is, after I got over being frustrated at driving 1 1/2 hours and then waiting for 2 hours for my appointment, and then my appointment was only 10 minutes! (But that is a side issue). The result of my appointment was what I had anticipated...they recommend against doing the surgery. Apparently they do that type of surgery (removal of the occipital bone flap) pretty frequently. Many times people are born with a malformation and they have to remove that bone flap to fix the malformation. Anyway, what she said is that even in kids as young as 1 or 2 years old they do the surgery and do not do anything to fix it. And then she told me what I wanted to hear...as with any little child, kids frequently fall...since they do not recommend that parents shelter their kids, they told me not to allow the fact that the occipital bone is missing to make me do any less. In other words, if I want to run a 10K race, then I should and not let the fact that my occipital bone is mission. That really eased my mind because I really did not want to be too active as long as I had that gaping hole in my head...the neurosurgeon just told me not to worry about it.

Another thing that I thought was interesting that I do not I have mentioned before...for those of you who are not theological people, John Piper is the author of "Desiring God" and is the founder of Desiring God ministries. He is a nationally recognized pastor and author and is very respected within theological circles. Anyway, I was talking with someone the other day and we were talking about my surgery. He mentioned Dr. Piper and said, "It would be crazy if his first name was John..." I had never really put 2 and 2 together...but my surgeon's name is John Piper. I just thought that was pretty funny.

An interesting development...

2010-02-09T16:10:00.000-08:00

I received an interesting phone call yesterday...it was the neurosurgeon at the Iowa City VA hospital, scheduling me for a visit with her. I have been a little worried about the gaping hole in the back of my head from my surgery (ok, it is not really a hole, because it is covered by muscle, skin and hair, but it sure feels like a hole) and I wondered about having a cadaver skull put in place so that I can lead an active life. The neurosurgeon in Iowa City said that, initially, she would recommend against that, but she wants to meet with me in person to explain the reasons for it. I am sure, since I am not a neurosurgeon, that there are plenty of medical reasons for me not to have the surgery, but I am a little leery of being as active as I used to be (running, playing basketball, riding my bike, etc.) with that part of my skull missing. To make a long story short, she fully understands my reasons for wanting the surgery, but her initial reaction is to recommend against it.

This is getting repetitively redundant...

2010-01-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

I know that it has been awhile since I last posted...in fact, it was quite awhile before Christmas. Several significant events have transpired since my last post...I celebrated the one year anniversary of the day I was released from the ICU, I celebrated the 1 year anniversary of the day I was released from Methodist Medical Center, I celebrated the 1 year anniversary of my release from the VA, and I celebrated the 1 year anniversary of my return to the church; in short (I know, too late), this has been a busy time.

Perhaps most significant has been my MRI in Des Moines. This MRI was done off the VA campus and it was the first MRI conducted by someone other than the VA. When the MRI tech finished the first set of pictures, she came on the intercom and asked how long ago my stroke was. When I answered it was 12 months ago, she just said, "Huh..." and that was all she said. I worried for the next 2 weeks about what that "Huh" meant. On January 22, I had another follow up with my neurologist and she said that probably it was because of what my scans showed...at leas 75% of my cerebellum is either gone, dead or not functioning. In addition, there are 2 relatively large infarctions in my brain stem. In short, the MRI tech probably cannot believe that someone with that scan is walking into the office. What it says to me is that my recovery is truly miraculous...not just that the VA neurologists have never seen a recovery like this, but no one has ever seen a recovery like this. It is very humbling to think that the Lord has seen fit to bestow this recovery on me...He has allowed me to share my experiences with my fellow classmates on Liberty. edu, He has allowed me to share my experiences with my church; He has allowed me to share my experiences with my fellow pastors and their churches.

So, what does this mean for me? I really don't know. I still worry each day that my ability to overcome my situation will come to a screeching halt; that does not seem very likely but it is a constant concern. I would be lying if I said that I did not worry every time I walk on the ice, or get up in the middle of the night. But, for right now, I am simply trusting the Lord to give me the abilities to follow Him every day.

Yesterday was our children's Christmas Program...

2009-12-14T05:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday our church had its children's Christmas program and our family Christmas. It was a great time of celebration and remembering the true reason for the Christmas time. It was a great celebration, but even more meaningful to me was the fact that I could not be there last year because I was in the hospital. In fact, I could not be at my son's band concert. What is amazing is that I sang a song yesterday...pretty good for a person that was not supposed to walk or talk at all.

My new exercises are kicking my butt...

2009-11-17T15:34:00.000-08:00

The good news is that the exercises from the Physical Therapist should increase my coordination and improve my strength...the bad news is that they are HARD. I really love the prospect of having little or no side effects from my stroke, but I don't know that I like the prospect of doing these exercises every day. I just have to remind myself that anything worth doing is worth doing right; I also have to remember that exercises that are good for me might be hard in the short term.

I had another follow up with Physical Therapy today

2009-11-16T14:23:00.000-08:00

I have been having some problems with weakness in my left leg lately. It bothered me, a little, and I decided to go to the Dr. He gave me a consult to Physical Therapy. They told me a couple things; one I already knew, but feared and the second I anticipated but did not know for sure. The thing I already knew was that the muscles in my legs are strong and fine. There is no deficiency in the strength of my legs. What I feared was that the problem is really a neurological problem, balance issue and not a strength issue. Where this can be a problem is that this "problem" probably will not get better but will, over time, get worse. That was no surprise; what was a surprise was that there are exercises I can do that can "hopefully" teach me to regain balance. In other words, the nerves probably will not get better, I can just relearn how to do certain things. The weakness is not, in truth, weakness; it is a balance issue. So, I have some more exercises to do over time that will hopefully re-teach myself how to do some things. I will keep you posted on how things go.

Okay, it has been awhile since I have posted...

2009-11-08T15:20:00.000-08:00

But that is actually a good thing...no posting means that I have had very little, if any side effects from my strokes in the last few months. In fact, in September, my neurologist officially released me and told me that she is genuinely surprised, in fact flabbergasted, at my recovery. It is not just rare for someone to have a complete recovery after a stroke as mine...it does not happen. Having said that, I do have one little problem...I am having some weakness in my left knee. In fact, with my right leg, I can get up and down with little or no problems...with my left knee, I cannot get up after I am on the floor. My neurologist is going to do another scan of my brain to make sure it has not changed any...she doubts it, but it would just set her mind at ease if she did that. Other than my leg bother my a little, I feel GREAT!

I am going to post my personal story...

2009-09-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I posted...now, that can be interpreted two ways: it can be good because I have been feeling very well, or it can be bad because I feel too bad to post. In this case, it is because I feel really well and do not have much to post. In fact, the neurologist told me that I do not have to do any more follow ups unless I feel bad. Overall, I am doing really well. So, I am going to post a video I made today (today, consequently, is my birthday). I hope you enjoy this post.

I got the results of my scans...

2009-08-22T09:36:00.001-07:00

Before I begin, I think it is important to remind people that sometimes even the Dr. make mistakes. When I went for my MRA yesterday, they were going to do 2 tests: one MRI on my head, and an MRA on the vessels in my head. Dr. Davis had ordered an MRA of the vessels in my chest, too, to make sure the artery in my chest is not making its own bypass. Well, when I told them about the MRA of my chest, they said they would have to call because they did not have paperwork on it. Sure enough, they were supposed to be doing a chest MRA, so they wound up doing 3 tests instead of 2.

And the results are..................I am doing very well. Dr. Benjamin said my MRI looked GREAT; no changes, which is good. My MRA's show that the artery in my chest is NOT forming its own bypass, meaning that the artery is totally occluded - that is, if a blood clot goes to my brain again, it won't be through that artery.

Really, I don't know that I could have had better test results. The strokes are still there, obviously, but there is nothing new to report. Overall, it was a really good visit.

A new school year...

2009-08-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I have posted. I guess that means life is good. Well, life is good, but I guess the fact that I have not posted means that there have been no major incidents in that time. We had a good remainder of the summer. I went to a family reunion in Sioux City on August 1, and that was a really good time. Many of my family either called me or came to visit me in the hospital. It was good to see them again. Many of them I had not seen in 10 or more years.

Also in August our church did a fundraising booth at the Knoxville Nationals. I was a little worried about that because I was not sure I would have the stamina for that, but I did quite well. Nothing significant to report. The fundraiser was for our building fund...we are currently raising money to re-side the church and to re-roof the church. We will also be replacing windows and then I would like to make some modifications to the inside of the church, as well. I have been able to help, somewhat, but I have been really careful not to do too much...I have been yelled at too many times. (I know, I know...it is only because they care about me; I am only being facetious.)

Yesterday we started a new school year. My oldest is a Senior in High School, which does not seem possible. My oldest daughter started middle school, another significant event for which I was not ready, and my youngest started 3rd grade. At least one of my kids is young enough to still enjoy being called a "little" kid (although she will often remind me that 3rd graders go to recess with the "big kids" now.)

And last, but not least, I have another test today. I have an MRA, to test whether or not the artery that was occluded is forming a natural bypass. If it is, then they want to stop it. I will have a follow-up with Dr. Benjamin in September. I have been noticing that I get tired faster these days. I don't know if it is the result of just getting used to a new schedule, or something inside my brain changing. Either way, I will not worry about it (SURE) until I see Dr. Benjamin.

Overall, I feel great and am looking forward to another GREAT year.

Back by popular demand...

2009-07-26T18:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, it is not by popular demand, but I really like the video chronicling my stroke recovery, so I am going to post it again. The difference is that the music in different: it is provided by Carson Wagner. I love his music. I hope you enjoy the clip.

I am finally home...

2009-07-13T05:20:00.000-07:00

I had a great trip to Nebraska last week. I had a good time re-connecting with my old friends after 20 years, but the bigger story was my ability to drive all the way home and back and not be horribly tired afterward. I had a good time with 2 of my brothers and my nephew and nieces, too. Overall it was a GREAT weekend. I stumbled a little Saturday getting off the float. (I thought it would stop and I could get to my truck, but they were planning on going back to where the parade started, so I had to jump off the float and walk back to my truck).

Today I have my 20th reunion...

2009-07-10T13:28:00.000-07:00

This is a day that comes and goes in most lives, but for me, it is a big event. Today is my 20th Anniversary from High School picnic. Most of these people I have not seen in 20+ years. I have seen a few of them over the years, but it will be a good time. It is a good event in that I almost did not make it to the reunion. I am going to talk to one of my classmates today because he has his own production company, and discovery health will not talk to individuals, only production companies. My story, according to every Doctor I have seen, is very unusual. Every Dr. I have been to has said that by the time the pressure in you brain builds to the point that you have ONE stroke in you brain stem, you do not recover. I had at least TWO strokes in my brain stem, maybe three. It will be a good time; I hope to reconnect with old friends.

Last night I was blindfolded...but it was fun.

2009-06-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

I was a little nervous last night. Our church had a "golf cart rodeo". In that, the driver is blindfolded and the passenger has to give directions through the course. My passenger was my 112 year old daughter, Shaylee. It was fun. My wife did a few courses driving and a few giving directions. It was really fun. We also had a silent auction and a spaghetti dinner. The benefits were for the building fund. We raised nearly $2000. I was a little disoriented with the blindfold on, but since I was not walking, it was fine. When I took the blindfold off, I drove pretty well. All in all, it was a good night.

I need to make you aware of another blog...

2009-06-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

There are many other stroke-related blogs out there, but one that has been really inspiring to me is stroke-of-faith.blogspot.com. I really enjoy the posts, and his site is really two-fold in its purpose. First, to make people aware of the effects of a stroke and the treatments for them, but it is also to lift and glorify the Lord Jesus Christ. I really enjoy reading about the strokes, but I relish even more the facts about the Lord Jesus. You, too, I think would benefit from going to that blog.

Some good information...

2009-06-13T16:28:00.000-07:00

I found this while uploading my video to Youtube. The stroke I had effected my cerebellum and my brain stem, among other parts. My cerebellum is basically gone, and I had 2 major strokes in my brain stem. After watching this video, it is amazing I am able to do anything. Well, it is amazing, which makes it REALLY miraculous.

Ok, let's see if this works...

2009-06-12T18:16:00.001-07:00

I have never tried this before, because I am trying to upload a file from youtube. This is a video testimony I gave at the IBC annual meeting in Des Moines. It is amazing to think of how the Lord has guided my process...

I am having a new problem...

2009-06-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

You know, I told my wife last night that for the last 6 months I have been one big ball of pain. For the last 10 days or so, my back has been hurting. Not like I pulled a muscle or worked too hard, but I feel like my actual bones hurt. So, I am going to VA again today. The good thing is that this will be the first visit to the VA for a non-stroke visit in 5 1/2 months. The bad thing is, my back is really bothering me. It does not always hurt, but I fell it is more an aggravation. I hope it is just from working too hard and not the sign of another problem. I have had all the problems I can take for awhile.

My cold seems to be subsiding a little, finally. I told some people in my church that I used to get a cold, be run-down for 3 or 4 days, and then be back, somewhat, to normal. But, now I have had this cold since the 31st of May. I just cannot seem to get better. I feel some better, then at night I get all congested and cough-y. This is unusual for me...I usually get better in a few days, not a few weeks.

Okay, this is day 2 of my 2-day anniversary...

2009-06-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, I feel pretty good for a dead guy!!! That is, basically, what the surgeons said when they saw my scans...I would never survive the surgery. On my last visit to my neurologist, I candidly said that it does not instill confidence when the surgeon says that he has never done this type of surgery before (my stroke was double sided, in other words it was not left sided or right sided, it was both.) My neurologist said that she was confident no one in DES MOINES had ever done that surgery before, and she was pretty sure no one in IOWA had done that surgery. The doctors gave my wife about a 50/50 chance of me surviving the surgery. If I survived the surgery, I had a 30/70 (about) chance of waking up, and if I woke up, I had of 0% chance of being the same.Well, 6 months later I feel as good as I have ever felt, and I do everything I used to, it just takes a little longer. I am encouraged every day, and I want to continue using my life to bring glory to God.

Today is the first of a two-day anniversary...

2009-06-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

At about 4:30 a.m. on December 9, I woke up rather dizzy. I don't remember much else. I remember walking (sorta) to the traiblazer, Laura taking me into the ER, and them taking a spinal tap to rule out spinal meningitis. it has been 6 months since that day. 6 months since I had the beginning stages of my stroke. 6 months since my world changed. 6 months since I became officially disabled. Of course, it has also been 6 months of driving like nothing ever happened; 6 months of preaching, teaching, riding a bike. 6 months of going to concerts, games and AWANA. 6 months of watching the Doctors scratch their heads to try to figure out a medical reason for my recovery. Overall, it has been a good 6 months. It is 6 months I would never have chosen on my own, but since I am not God, I will not try to figure it all out. All I can do is try to serve Him with all that I am and let Him decide what happens next. It is a little overwhelming at times, but I just have to do my best not to let my situation dictate my life; allow myself to live my life and if I find I can't do something, then sobeit. But, it really has been a good 6 months.

Hook up day...

2009-06-06T06:04:00.000-07:00

Now for the moment of truth: can I complete the great camping weekend? Yesterday my daughter caught a BIG (19" or so) bass. It was the first fish she ever caught! My other daughter caught a smaller, but good bass (12" or so). Brendan got called in to work, so it was the first camping trip without him...he was there, but not much. It was sad not having him there; I told Laura that the campfire just was not the same with only Maddy (Shaylee was spending the night at a friends house). But, it was good all the same. Now, today will be the final test: to get hooked up at the campground, drain the water and the holding tanks, and back it in home. If I can do that, it will be a huge boost to my confidence, knowing that I can do most things I used to do...just some things take longer!

Camping...what a wonderful thing.

2009-06-05T08:27:00.001-07:00

I used to look forward to camping. I love to be outdoors, by the river or lake fishing, takling bike rides, cooking out...things you can do anytime but just have a special meaning when you are camping. My oldest daughter rarely asks for breakfast burritos, but you can bet that when we go camping, she is going to ask for breakfast burritos. Laura could make them anytime, but they just seem so much better in the camper.

Last night I made a fire and we had s'mores. I may have had marshmallow in my beard, and graham cracker crumbs all over me, but we had a great time. Everything smells better, tastes better and feels better when you are outside. I guess the reason this camping trip means so much to me is that I was not sure I could still hook up, pull and back up the camper since my stroke. This is one more camping trip I get to take with my family; one more time I get to get to go fishing with my kids; one more time I get to sit by the fire at night. Life sometimes is hard, but days like this remind me that it is all worthwhile if I take advantage of what I can do, rather than griping about what I can't. In fact, I think everyone would be better off if they would appreciate what they can do! If you've never been camping, I suggest you go!

I hope this is the last follow up with the Dr.

2009-06-03T16:54:00.000-07:00

I had a good visit with Dr. Benjamin today. She had a student Dr. with her, and the student was absolutely amazed that a person with a double cerebellar stroke could do so well. What is interesting is that is the first time that I have been told that the worst part of my stroke was not the cerebellum...it was the brain stem stroke. She said that by the time the swelling gets bad enough to effect the brain stem, most people die. In my case, I am amazing every neurologist with my ability to do, basically, everything. Dr. Benjamin said that, probably, nobody in Des Moines had ever operated on someone with a cerebellar stroke that went double sided. Her exact words were that these types of things (me walking, talking, driving, etc.) just don't happen. It is not that they are rare, they just don't happen. In the end, I am a walking miracle and I am amazed every day that I live and breathe. Praise the Lord.

I am still having balance issues...

2009-06-03T06:38:00.000-07:00

The balance issues are not really big, just that I know they are there. When I stand up too quickly, I tend to lose my balance a little, not enough to fall over, but enough to know that there is an issue. I noticed when I put my shoes or socks on, I either have to sit down or run the risk of losing my balance a little. I have not fallen yet, but I have used the bed to greak a would-be fall. I don't think the balance issues are new, just areas that I have noticed only recently. Overall I walk great and drive without incident...I just notice little things now and then. The weakness, the jumpiness in the eyes, the balance issues; they are not new things, just things I have been more aware of lately.

Recently I received an email from someone who wanted me to use my blog to awaken people to stroke awareness. The website is for the youtube presentation is: http://www.youtube.com/user/TacklingStroke The AGA also has a twitter account at Twitter.come/TacklingStroke. They also have a facebook group called Tackling Stroke.

I am struggling with my BP...

2009-05-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

Well, they are adjusting my BP medicine again. I appreciate the fact they want to minimize how many I take, but it is a little irritating to have a normal BP (130/80 is normal), and now I have BP readings that are all over the board. In the morning it is normal, and then it ranges from normal, to really high (165/105) at night. I have another appointment on Friday to follow up with the Dr. to try to give me a more normal BP. For the time, I am only on 20 mg of Lisinopril. I used to be on 20 mg of Lisinopril and 5 mg of Amlodipine. Since they took away the Amlodipine, my BP has been crazy. I don't know if the BP is normal while I adjust to the medications, or if I need to be on Amlodipine. The problem is that I want to self-medicate and just take the Amlodipine. The problem is that it may not be the best for me. I guess that I will have to wait until Friday to find out what I will be taking. I know, patience, patience, patience!

I know it has taken a few days, but Monday was great!

2009-05-20T14:38:00.000-07:00

Monday was a great day. I went golfing, worked in the garden a little, went to a ball game, went to a concert; and oh, by, the way, i did some work, too. I know I am not back to normal, but it felt like a normal day. I know that this will be a short post, but, it was a great day.

Today was a big day...

2009-05-16T16:09:00.001-07:00

This morning was the first time I have spoken publicly about my stroke. I was asked to speak at the morning Kiwanis club meeting. It was a great time (I don't know if anyone else had a good time, but I did). It felt good to talk publicly about my stroke. The responses are amazing as I tell everyone about my stroke and what the Drs. said about it. I think the most alarming part was when it really sunk into them that every Dr. said that I CANNOT do what I AM doing. Now, I don't want to minimize things, but people generally say, "Well, probably the Dr. said that you SHOULD not be able to do what you are doing. You know, like a 1 in a million chance." Well, I know that that is still miraculous. But, that is not what they said. They have said that I no longer have what it takes to ride a bike, drive, write, type, etc. In other words, medically speaking, I CANNOT do what I am doing. It was really great.

After that, I was able to lead a man to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. He had approached me about being baptized in the church, and I asked him if he knew for sure that Jesus was his personal savior. He said that he did not know for sure. He hoped so, and he tried to lead a good life, but he could not say for sure. But now, praise God, he can say that as of May 16, 2009, he knows for sure. Overall, I would say it was a good day. Now, off to plant my garden...another good day.

Tonight was a great night to be dad...

2009-05-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

I just got back a couple of hours ago from my girls' (8 and 11) dance recital. Most of the times, dads do not enjoy going to the recitals, but this was a great night. The girls are both in the same dance routines: baton and tumbling. They did great. What I was most proud of is that I remember last year seeing the baton girls (my girls did not do baton last year) drop the batons multiple times. I don't know for sure, but I think it was 3 or 4 times each. This year, neither one of the girls dropped their batons regularly (I think one girl dropped it one time, and that was it). Both girls did great on their tumbling. I wanted to stay for the entire recital, but I could only stay for the girls.

Tomorrow, I get to share my story with 200 or so community leaders at a community prayer breakfast, then I have a VA appointment at 10:00, the girls have another recital at 1:00 and then I have a meeting at 4:00. It will be a busy day, but I am looking forward to it.

Sunday is church membership/baptism/baby dedication. Then, at 2:00 we have to be in Centerville for a meeting with the Iowa Ambassadors of Music. They should be telling us how much the trip to Europe costs. Overall, it will be a busy weekend, but a good weekend.

I had an MRI yesterday...

2009-05-14T06:11:00.001-07:00

I had to go the VA yesterday to have an MRI to make sure there were no more changes since my stroke. What has happened is that I have had weakness in my left arm and "jumpiness" in my eyes. My neurologist had me do another MRI to make sure there were no other changes, but it is just a reaction in my body to stress and to tiredness since my stroke. My neurologist called me yesterday and told me that there have been no changes in my MRI. Now, that is good, because obviously there are no more changes in my brain. That is also good because it shows definitively that I have nothing impending to worry about, i.e. having another stroke. The bad thing is that the weakness in my left arm, and "jumpiness" in my eyes are permanent. I pray they go away over time, but I cannot count on that. It means that I will have to manage with the weakness for the rest of my life. Whenenver I have a little more stress or a busier schedule, the MRI shows that the weakness is a response to the original stroke, not something else. So, today begins a new chapter in my life...I will now have to adapt and overcome to a new challenge: the challenge of weakness and "jumpiness". Am I up to the task? You betcha! Right now, I consider anything upright a big success, so a little weakness will not stop me!

Wow..it' been a week.

2009-05-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

It has been a relatively long time since my last post. I have not been event-less, just busy and that led to me absence from my blog. I do get to speak this Saturday at a community prayer meeting and I will share my story with hundreds of community leaders/entrepreneurs about the power of prayer. My ulitmate goal is to show that sometimes it is not enough to pray one time for someone. It might be, but dedication is important. I am pryaing that everything goes well and I have a great time.

I will be busy this week: tomorrow, May 13, I have another MRI at the Des Moines VA to rule out new problems in my brain. I have had weakness that I cannot remember having from the beginning. What they are trying to determine is if the weakness is a new phenomenon or if it is just my body's reaction to stress. On Wednesday night, my girls have a dance recital practice, then on Thursday I have a softball game to go to. On Friday is the first night of the actual dance recital. Saturday is the prayer breakfast, followed by another VA appointment with the dermatologist, then the Saturday recital. On Sunday, I have baptisms at church, church membership and baby dedication. At 2:00 we have to be in Centerville at the High School as they give information concerning the Ambassadors of Music. My oldest has been invited to tour Europe with the Iowa Ambassadors of Music next Summer and this week will be the informative time. Yep, it will be busy. By the way, I have talked with the IBC administrator and she will be sending the videos of my testimony soon. I have not forgotten them, I am just waiting for them.

This will be my first post in May...

2009-05-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

It does not seem possible, but today marks 4 months since my last day in the hospital. It has been a strange road, but it has been good. There have been ups and downs (which you have probably gleaned by now), but mostly ups. I did have a good day yesterday. I was tired, but it was good. I walked for awhile at the VA (I think it is the first time I have walked it WITHOUT a nurse). I spent a little more than 30 minutes there. Then, I went fishing at Marion County Park. i caught a great big stringer of.....NOTHING. Talk about 1:30 you will never get back. Not even a nibble...UGHH. Then I went up to church long enough to figure out that I was tired, but I did get a passage to preach this Sunday. Speaking of this Sunday, I finished preaching at my normal time, and as I was prahing to close the service, I wondered why the pianist was not playing...they always pray during my last prayer as I do an invitation. Then I realized...today is communion! We were in church until 12:05 because I forgot to take communion into account as I was preparing for Sunday. Usually, I finish about 5 - 10 minutes early on a communion Sunday to give time, but, this Sunday I forgot! Oh, well, The Lord must have wanted someone to hear what I had to say.

I should hear from the IBC shortly about the video from the meeting. As soon as I get it, I will post a video on this blog, as well as on facebook and on youtube. The administrator did a good job of editing the videos to get just what they needed in the time allotted.

I am getting used to my new lifestyle...

2009-04-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

I met with my deacons the other night, as well as the Administrative Board of my church. I have to say that they were very supportive. They are advocating me taking the morning off on Monday's and then every afternoon off for awhile. They are also in favor of me having my Associate Pastor preach for me once a month if I need him to. It is still hard to adjust. I started my new schedule this week, and I do admit that I feel better, but the emotional is still hard to come to grips with, even though the physical is better. Tomorrow I will go to my first Iowa Baptist Conference meeting since my stroke. I am going on Friday night because the conference recorded a video of my testimony and they will show it Friday night. I am excited about that. I will be excited to get back to "normal". I am really trying hard to be "normal", maybe "normal" will just come naturally if I just relax a little. It is just hard to relax, knowing what I have been through and what lies ahead. I will just try to take every day, and if I struggle, then I struggle. I will try not to allow each struggle to effect the next day so much.

This will be the first day of the rest of my life...hopefully not.

2009-04-27T06:23:00.000-07:00

I know that seems like a strange title, but I really don't know how I feel today. Over the weekend I was told that I have to slow down in order to avoid certain "side-effects" of my stroke. What exactly that means, I don't know. What I am facing right now is the uncertainty of one question, that really manfiests itself in many issues: what do I eliminate? Now on the surface that is an easy question to answer: I simply eliminate anything unneccesary. Ok, what is unneccesary? Teaching Sunday night connecting point? Teaching Sunday School? Visitation? Board Meetings? Missions? Building and Grounds...I mean what do I eliminate? Trying to narrow down to one can be very hard and then I have to come to grips with the fact that it might be permanently. I hope not, but it might be. That means that once I "rearrange" my schedule, it might be permanently. That is a big thing to process. I mean, I always adjusted my schedule for a short term depending on my situation, but this might be forever. I am struggling with guilt as I eliminate something...does that mean it does not warrant my full attention? Does that mean I am "cutting it loose". I realize that some people think I am being unreasonable, but what would happen if the reader had to prioritize several very important things. Does that mean that some things are less important? I know I have to do it, but it does not make it easy. This is the first week I will be facing with a new schedule and I am just getting a little apprehensive.

Okay...I have had a little bit to think about yesterday

2009-04-24T06:31:00.000-07:00

I admit it...I was having a little bit of a pity party yesterday. I have heard many doctors in many hospitals all say the same thing...I will have to change my schedule a little bit because of my stroke. I guess that I REALLY thought that if I tried hard enough I could overcome my situation. Yesterday was the first time, that I can remember, that I paid attention to someone saying that my weakness is not a new situation; it is a new side-effect to the same situation. It seems that the more I try to overcome my situation, the worse my side-effects get. Not that I have to wrap myself in bubble wrap, but I have to slow down a little. I know that I need to; that is not the issue, it was having somone tell me that I HAVE to. I will have to readdress a little about me to really re-do my schedule. I have always given 100% of what I have to my work, and I might have to reserve a little now to keep my health; that is totally different for me. I know that it is a reality and I will do this just like I have done everything before: with all that is in me, but it will require some uncomfortable changes.

Okay, it has been awhile since I last posted...

2009-04-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

I know that it has been awhile since I last posted, but this week has been busy at the church: we had Mission's Sunday, AWANA store night, Habitat for Humanity dedication, I have had 2 people in the hospital. I know that it is normal, but it has been busy recently. So, where do I begin...For about 2 weeks or so I have been noticing a little weakness in my left arm. What I did not know is if it was new, or it I just noticed it because I did not use my right arm very much for the first few months after my stroke. I made an appoitment with my neurologist and went to see her today.
She did a neurologic scan on me and did a CT scan. What she found is that I have no new areas of concern in my brain. That is the good news. What she did say is that the weakness is probably new, or at least it was not noticeable in the hospital or in my first few neurology appointments. It is related to one event, but it is probably due to the busy-ness of my schedule. Basically what she said is that I have to slow down a little (like I have not been told that before) because my body just does not recouperate as soon any more. The weakness is from my body reacting to my schedule. She reminded me that she did tell me that I would have stroke-like symptoms if I get sick or tired or am stressed.

What I have to figure out is what to do with the information I got today. It has been busy the last 2 weeks or so, but it has not be abnormal when compared to the last 7 years. It has been busy when compared to the last 4 months since my stroke, but it has not been an abnormally busy time for a Senior Pastor. I had a little bit of a melt-down today because I came face to face with the reality that I HAVE TO slow down. I do not have a choice anymore: it is not something I should do; it is something that I have to do. That is tough for me to take: slowing down because I have to, not because I want to. The challenge is making what I want to do and what I have to do the same thing. For now, I will just pray and do my best every day (as if I don't now) to adjust my routine to match my new reality.

Okay, today was a good day for me...

2009-04-15T19:17:00.000-07:00

I know that when you are writing a blog about all the struggles and/or triumphs of recovering froma stroke, you are supposed to write about big stuff: Dr. appointments, handicapped parking, fishing licenses, riding bikes, etc. You know, big stuff. Today was big, but for a little reason. I mowed the grass today. Now, on the surface that seems like a small thing, and it probably is. But, when you realize all that I have been through, it was a real boost to my morale to be able to mow the grass without having to stop, without being REALLY tired afterward, basically, I mowed the grass like I did before. When I think about all the obstacles that I could be facing and all the roadblocks that many people face, being able to do anything is big, but mowing the grass, because it is a relatively menial task, takes on a bigger sense to me. I really feel normal: not that mowing the grass made me normal again, because I cannot erase what happened to me, but it made me FEEL normal again, and for that I am thankful and I really had a good day.

Monday was my Anniversary...

2009-04-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know that it has been a few days since my las post, but it has been a busy time at the church. I went to the hospital and visited others in their homes from the hospital. But, I did have a great anniversary. We have had 18 wonderful years and now I am grateful not just that she stuck with me, but I am grateful to be here for my anniversay. If I had known what this year would bring last year on my anniversary, I may have skipped last year and gone straight to this year. But, I would never give up all I have learned this year. I am thankful for Laura and to God for allowing me to be here on my anniversary. On a side note, I took my kids to softball practice and was able to play catch with them, hit the ball, throw the ball in...needless to say it was "normal". It felt really good.

We had great Easter services today.

2009-04-12T14:29:00.000-07:00

Today, as most of you know, is Easter. We had an early service, led by the youth, with about 90 in attendance and a late, regular, service with about 120. In between we had a breakfast served and led by the youth that will benefit the youth mission trip to Arkansas. After service we went out to Applebee's for lunch. Overall it was a great day. What was amazing about it was its normality. It was just another Easter. Not that any easter is normal in event, but there was nothing extraordinary about this day. Brendan, my oldest, played piano for the early service. I was very glad to have him participating in the service. My wife helped with the breakfast, and I preached. It was a great day and I did not have anything abnormal to report!!

Today was a good day...

2009-04-11T20:09:00.000-07:00

Today was the absolute atithesis of the last few days. i was able to walk to the easter egg hunt with the kids, barbecue hamburgers, walk with Laura for a mile or so and take the kids to Reed's Kone Korner. It seemed like a day that I would have had before my stroke. I know that it does not take away from the stroke, but I was able to do everything. It was good for me to be outside today. I think that I was just have an extended "pity party" for the last few day. Like I said, there was nothing wrong physically with me, I just did not feel right emotionally. Today was totally different and I feel much better. Maybe dying Easter Eggs with my kids hit the spot, too.

Okay...one more day, one more event annivarsary

2009-04-10T14:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I posted that it was the 4 month anniversary of the date the hospital recognized I was having a stroke. Today is the 4 month anniversary of the date of my surgery. I must admit that I am feeling a little down today. I think, of course I don't know, but I think that it is a "crash" after a sugar high. I had a little pack of "m-n-m's" with penuts. It is not a big deal, but the Dr. did say that I can have some symptoms similar to diabetics. So, I don't know whether I feel down because of a real situation, or because of a sugar crash. Overall, I feel pretty good physically, but I do have a tendency to "Swing" a little emotionally.

Today is the 4 month Anniversary of when I got put in the hospital...

2009-04-09T05:41:00.000-07:00

Today when I got up, my wife reminded me that today is the 4 month anniversary, if you want to use that word, of when I got put in the hospital. I know it intellectually, but it is hard to wrap my arms around the fact that it has ONLY been 4 months since the hospital recogized my stroke. So much has changed and I have come so far. I have read of people that strokes about the same time I did that cannot walk right, some cannot talk, others cannot hear from one ear...yet I have very few long term effects. Sometimes I have to take a rest if I am up for a long time, others I have to rest if I walk long distances, and one effect I found out is that my right leg tries to cross over my left if I fun. I have learned not to allow it to cross over if I walk, but I guess when I run it does not always listen. Anyway, no matter how you look at it, I am, I know it seems trifle, but I am a walking miracle. NO Dr. has been able to give me a reason why I am able to do what I do now. I am very thankful to God for all that I am able to do.

I have had many occurrences of this...

2009-04-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

I guess it was the first time I had been "caught" this week at my office. I was in my Office Administrators office when I simply wiped my mouth. She said, quite astonished, "Are you drooling?" I answered, a little sheepishly "Yes". The truth is I have had about one or two times a week of drooling. The nearest I can tell, it is because my muscles in my mouth are not fully recovered and strengthened from the stroke and sometimes it allows drool to leak out. I have gotten used to it, but, like I said, I got caught the other day. It is something I will have to live with until my mouth is strengthened, maybe for the rest of my life. It is not a big deal...it is just a little bit and I simply wipe my mouth. What brought it to my attention today is that I had to wipe my mouth while I was preaching today. I told my wife that I might have to start carrying a handkerchief with me...

I had a weird event today...

2009-04-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how to describe what happened today. It was kinda weird...I was at the hospital and as I was walking in the hallway, it felt like I was still on the elevator...still unstable. It was not enough to make me sit down or take a break or anything, but it was a very real event. I tried to explain it to my wife, but I don't think I could accurately describe it. I don't know if I was just tired or if I was stressed, but I feel better now. I can only hope that it is not a sign of another impending stroke, but the stroke specialist says that I am not in danger of another stroke, so it must be simply tired.